With the Provider, the Teacher, and the Carer. How Are You Doing?
We are constantly searching for ways to win people over, become well-liked, and live in peace and harmony with those around us. Yet what are the fundamental building blocks of such a life? What are the essential tools for lasting happiness and meaningful relationships? Here I wish to share a profound piece of Prophetic wisdom that succinctly answers this. A simple triangle of relationships that lies at the heart of a flourishing life. Reflect carefully on this remarkable hadith and allow it to strengthen every dimension of your relationships.
Where True Wellbeing Begins
Connection, belonging, and genuine friendliness are among the strongest predictors of both physical and mental wellbeing. Modern psychology increasingly confirms what Islam taught over fourteen centuries ago: healthy relationships nurture resilience, reduce stress, and promote emotional wellbeing. Islam expands this understanding even further. It teaches us to cultivate three foundational relationships.
The first is our spiritual relationship with our Loving Creator, who provides for every need. The second is our moral relationship with our beloved Teacher and Master, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, whose noble character we strive to imitate day and night. The third is our social relationship with those who cared for us before anyone else, our parents.
Three Calls to Reflect
An ever-growing body of research supports the importance of these life-giving relationships. Strong spiritual and social bonds protect us from depression, anxiety, stress, and loneliness while contributing to better health outcomes, including lower blood pressure, healthier lifestyles, and reduced obesity. Conversely, people who lack these three foundational relationships face a significantly greater risk of heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, addiction, and even dementia.
Kab ibn Ujrah reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “Come near the pulpit.” We gathered around it. As he climbed the first step, he said, “Amin.” When he climbed the second step, he again said, “Amin.” Upon reaching the third step, he once more said, “Amin.” After he descended, we asked: “Messenger of Allah, today we heard something from you that we have never heard before.” He replied: “When I climbed the first step, Jibrīl came to me and said: ‘Destruction to the one who reaches the month of Ramadan yet is not forgiven.’ He said: ‘Say Amin,’ so I said Amin. When I climbed the second step, he said: ‘Destruction to the one before whom you are mentioned yet he does not send blessings upon you.’ He said: ‘Say Amin,’ so I said Amin. When I climbed the third step, he said: ‘Destruction to the one whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime, yet he fails to enter Paradise through serving them.’ He said: ‘Say Amin,’ so I said Amin” (Mustadrak).
The hadith immediately draws our attention to three fundamental relationships that determine true human happiness and ultimate success. The first is our relationship of humble submission to Allah, our Creator, Sustainer, and Provider. The second is our relationship with the beloved Messenger (peace be upon him), who devoted his entire life to caring for us and teaching us the path of goodness, mercy, and success. The third is our relationship with our parents, who sacrifice endlessly for our wellbeing and nurture us with love and care.
The Tragedy of Neglect
Who can deny the importance of these relationships except one whose heart has become hardened, forgetful, and spiritually blind. The three warnings highlight this reality:
- The one who experiences Ramadan yet fails to attain Allah’s forgiveness is among the losers.
- The one who hears the Prophet’s blessed name yet neglects to send salah and salam upon him deprives himself of immense mercy.
- The one whose parents reach old age yet fails to earn Paradise through serving them has neglected one of the greatest opportunities Allah has given.
How do we strengthen these three relationships?
To become closer to Allah, devote yourself to worship, pray regularly, spend time remembering Him, reflect upon His signs, and remain constantly mindful of His presence. To deepen your love for the Messenger (peace be upon him), increase your salawat and durud upon him, study his Sunnah, follow his guidance faithfully, and strive to embody his beautiful character in your daily life. As for your parents, honour them, respect them, care for them. Time invested in your parents is never wasted; it is an investment in both this life and the next.
Conclusion
These three relationships are the foundation upon which every meaningful life is built. Our relationship with Allah gives us purpose and inner peace; our relationship with the Messenger (peace be upon him) provides the perfect model and tips for noble character; and our relationship with our parents teaches gratitude, compassion, and selfless service. Together they shape our spirituality, morality, and humanity. When these relationships flourish, every other relationship benefits. My simple ask this week is to share this wisdom with your family and friends.
