This week’s blog is highly emotive since we had an unfortunate incident at my community centre in Nottingham earlier this week. The local Labour party organised a private meeting for its members, to be attended by a government minister.
I was asked to come and meet the minister. So, I took the opportunity to ask him some hard questions about our government’s role in the Gaza genocide. Alas, a small group of protesters arrived outside the centre and started chanting ‘Free, Free Palestine.’ A slogan that I also chant like all people who want justice for the Palestinians. However, a false rumour began circulating that ‘an Israeli minister is in the centre, so come down and protest’. So, more people came.
I went out to calm them down and explained that there was no Israeli minister here. However, they would not listen, and what ensued was an unbelievable rant on social media, hurling abuse and insults at me, the minister and others in attendance.
But this reflection is not about judging the protesters; it is about judging my own response. When we feel falsely accused, the temptation is to retaliate, expose, condemn and answer insult with insult. Yet this is precisely when our character is tested. My responsibility is not merely to prove that they were wrong, but to ask whether my response is truthful, fair, patient and pleasing to Allah. “Don’t let your hatred of a people lead you away from justice. Be just; that is closer to mindfulness of God” (Al-Maidah:8).
When kindness meets hostility
Even when people misrepresent us, Islam does not permit us to misrepresent them. Even when they exaggerate our faults, we must not exaggerate theirs. Even when they are unfair to us, we must remain fair to them.
Two weeks ago, I delivered a Friday sermon at the Grand Masjid in Sheffield on strong character when a bright young man approached me and asked, “How should I deal with my toxic relatives?” I replied, “I wouldn’t describe people as toxic, but the beloved Messenger (peace be upon him) gave a wonderful answer to this very problem.” Abu Hurairah reported that a man complained to the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Messenger of Allah, I maintain good relations with my relatives, but they treat me badly. I am patient with them, but they behave badly towards me.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: “If it is as you say, it is as though you are feeding them hot ashes. Allah will continue to support you against them so long as you continue to behave well” (Muslim).
What a striking image: feeding them hot ashes. What does it mean? Scholars explain that your continued kindness in the face of their hostility exposes the ugliness of their behaviour. If they have a conscience, your goodness will make them ashamed. The Prophet (peace be upon him) promises something even greater: Allah supports the person who persists in doing what is right.
When Abu Bakr answered back
Once, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was sitting with some Companions when a man began insulting Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr remained silent. The man insulted him again, but Abu Bakr continued to restrain himself. Eventually, when the man persisted, Abu Bakr answered him in his own defence. At that moment, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) stood up and walked away. Surprised, Abu Bakr followed him and asked, “Messenger of Allah, were you angry with me?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) explained: “While you remained silent, an angel descended from heaven and answered him on your behalf. But when you began to answer back, Satan appeared, and I could not remain sitting where Satan had appeared” (Abu Dawud).
The narration does not suggest that defending yourself is forbidden. Rather, it points towards something spiritually higher, the power of restraint. While Abu Bakr remained silent, he was not alone; an angel was defending him. When he entered the argument himself, the atmosphere changed, and Satan found an opening. There are times when we must speak out against injustice. But there are also occasions when answering every insult achieves nothing except dragging us into the very behaviour we dislike in others.
Don’t let their behaviour change yours
This is where the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) teaching becomes deeply practical. When someone treats us badly, our instinctive question is often: “How can I make them change?” The better question is: “How can I make sure they don’t change me?” You may not be able to control another person’s anger, jealousy, insults or hostility. But you can control your response. The Majestic Quran teaches: “Good and evil aren’t the same; counter evil with goodness, and if there is enmity between you and him, he will become a dearest friend” (Fussilat:34).
When people hurt us, we effectively have three levels of response. We can retaliate and return hurt for hurt. We can restrain ourselves and refuse to retaliate. Or we can rise higher still and forgive, continue doing good and seek Allah’s pleasure. The Prophet (peace be upon him) was teaching moral strength: the ability to face another person’s bad character without allowing it to corrupt our own.
Conclusion: Protect your character
Our society does not need more angry voices answering angry voices. It needs people of principle: people who can disagree without insulting, protest without slandering, defend themselves without becoming vindictive, and forgive without surrendering justice. This is the moral strength taught by the Quran and modelled by the beloved Messenger (peace be upon him). When emotions are high, ask yourself not only, “Am I right?” but “Am I behaving rightly?” Never give someone else’s bad behaviour the power to make you a worse person.
